|Sometimes (ok most of the time) when I go to write a blog post, I tell myself that it has to be written this certain way.
That it has to be polished. That the language has to be lyrical. And the title should probably have some clever, deeper double meaning.
And to be honest, it has a tendency of getting in the way.
Because sometimes, you just need to write a post that tells it like it is. How life in that ever given moment is.
Sometimes you just need to talk, without worrying whether or not the words will come out perfectly.
So in the interest of us just talking here as friends, here are some things that have been on my heart this past week.
The past three days we were on Showit LIVE, where the cameras were rolling 7 or 8 hours a day and every spare sleeping surface in our house was claimed. There were people in every bathroom and voices down every hall. And now that it's over, our house seems way too quiet. Though I will say, I am enjoying not waiting in line for the shower. :)
Those three days were some of the most intense of my life, and if I'm being really honest by the end of day two....I sat slumped over at dinner, the picture of someone who didn't have anything else to give. Because quite simply, I felt like I was failing. I felt like the words weren't coming out powerfully enough. That the content I was giving wasn't helpful enough. That the outfits I was wearing weren't glamorous enough. That the banter I was bantering wasn't witty enough. I went in feeling like I should have been some mutant super hero combination of Martin Luther King Jr., Kate Middleton, Seth Godin, and Kelly Ripa all rolled into one. And at the end of the day....I just felt like whatever I was, it wasn't enough.
That night I got about one hour of sleep. In part because poor Justin got food poisoning from that same dinner and was up all night, but also because my mind couldn't stop racing. Replaying everything that I thought had gone wrong. Re-saying everything that could have been said better. And somewhere around 3:37am on the final day, I had already declared my imminent failure before the day had even begun.
But, and here's the thing....it wasn't. An imminent and epic failure, that is.
Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was good old fashioned fight or flight. It was most certainly the pulling together and let's make it happen of Eryn, Kori, Abby, Jen, Ashley, Gabrielle & Kevin, who I couldn't have gotten through those three days without. But by the end of Day 3, when the last question was taken and the champagne had been popped....even I had to admit, it had somehow all turned around. And what just hours before had looked like certain failure, had somehow been flipped on its head.
But this isn't really a post about telling you a happy ending tied up with a neat little bow. Because that's just a little too easy.
And to be honest, life won't always turn out that way. It hasn't always turned out that way for us.
I guess what this post is about is what comes right before that. In those moments when you don't know how it's going to turn out. When you're telling yourself that who you are just isn't enough. When it's not going the way you want it to. When you are already certain that you're going to fail.
In those moments, before you know the ending, be willing to give it one more try. And allow yourself to consider the possibility that you might be wrong.
Because even if the words don't come out perfectly....
they still may be exactly what somebody else needed to hear.